Teams often ask me…

‘‘How do we compare to other leadership teams? Are they all like us?’

This question came at the end of a team session, one in which we’d worked with a lot of conflict and confusion. This is a team in strife. In fact they may not even be a ‘team’ in their current form at all.

My first dilemma is…what do I think? I’m focussed on helping them to see themselves and then make some choices about how they move forwards together. I’m generally not comparing them to other teams.

But if I were…what difference would it make if they knew what I thought? I’m worried about what they would do with my answer and if it might impact the work we’re doing.

Why are they asking?

Maybe they want reassurance that things will be okay. Or perhaps they need validation that their team is a lost cause and they should either quit now or replace the team.

Maybe they’re enjoying the work we’re doing, seeing progress, and find themselves curious about their Consultant. They want to understand my thought process behind our work together. That feels a little easier to engage with.

Does my opinion matter anyway?

My mother is a clinical psychologist working with couples (the apple doesn’t fall far…). She once said that there is no right or wrong way to be in relationships, no rules around conflict, infidelity, or money. The most important question is whether people are able to express their expectations, if the expectations and needs are matched, or if people are willing to negotiate to ensure their most important needs are met.

It’s the same for teams and organisations. The extent to which you’re ‘doing well’ depends on what your ambition is.

What does success look like for you? What does a great team look and feel like? What does healthy conflict mean to you?

We often feel disappointment and frustration at work because it can feel hard to make a difference. It’s hard to affect culture change. It’s hard to influence performance and engagement. It’s hard to get people to do what you want!

It’s my job to help clients bridge the gap between their aspirations and reality, or re-negotiate with themselves and each other about what is achievable, or how they could go about achieving it in a different, less painful way.

So, if you’re asking ‘How do we compare to others?’, the more helpful question might be, ‘How do we compare to our own expectations, and that of our organisation?’

If you’re still curious about how I would answer the original question, then keep reading…

My answer

Human beings are human beings wherever you go, whatever the culture, organisation, or role might be.

You see the same struggles underneath it all.

The same underlying fears– ‘Am I okay?’, ‘Am I trusted?’, ‘Am I respected?’, ‘Am I doing well?’.

And in turn – ‘Do I like and do I trust these other people?’, ‘Will they help me be successful or will they get in my way?’, ‘How much of myself and my true feelings should I share with them?’

All people and teams share these concerns, they just show up in different ways.

These can grow into politics and preoccupations that become a distraction from the task at hand; the organisational purpose.

What differs more than anything is the relationship people have to what they’re experiencing.

Are you okay with the culture of your team? Are you satisfied with the level of disconnection and disharmony you hear about? Do you want this to be less painful and more creative than it is?

And ultimately…in what way is this impacting your ability to achieve your aims? Conflict is a creative resource if we have the skills and desire to engage with it.

For a team in strife, I do believe it’s possible to change these things. The first step might be to discern why you’re a team to begin with, and if you’re still signed up to that purpose.